Sobriety + recovery teaches me to ride the wave of ‘middle ground’ or, as I like to call it ‘the magic in the mundane’. My pre-recovery life would flip-flop from high to low - manic to depressive - in seconds, multiple times a day.
I was never in the middle (it seemed boring anyway), never grounded + always, always reacting to intense waves of emotion.
Today I’m more ‘stable’, more able to ride the waves of life while maintaining + enjoying a ‘magic middle ground’. Motherhood is softening me; it’s teaching me how to ditch my old default ‘all or nothing’ attitude + embrace the realm of the many shades thay fall between perfectionism + black & white thinking.
Rigid rules don’t work anymore (don’t think they ever really did, but it’s more glaring now); home cooked meals ALL the time is not viable, neither is an ‘all or nothing workout’, or an intense dive into keto, or ‘all’ organic, or stiff rules on how I mother, or, or, or ... “ALL THE TIME. ALWAYS & FOREVER” is impossible.
Perfectionism is utterly unattainable.
Hard rules do.not.work.
Small steps are survival;
this means permission to do 10 squats while I wait for coffee water to boil instead of insisting that it’s got to be 20km run or “what’s the point”. It means that I eat faster foods these days (🌮🌮) more often than I would like because ... time + sanity.
It means following the yearning of my heart, even when I don’t know where it’s leading me.
It means learning new things (like photography + vlogging) because my souls says so & giving self permission to share the journey - even if it’s not perfect.
It means slower days + ‘to-do’ lists that never get done; it’s cold coffee + half ass elixirs; it’s creation for the sake of creativity - not for an outcome, or to impress, or attain - but just to show up for self.
My life is different, my entire sense of self has totally changed.
The direction I am heading is new + unknown, and requires a completely new lens.
Fluidity is the name of the game.
Playing + creating for the magical sake of it, because it fucking feels good.
Motherhood + Recovery ... what a POWERFUL combination.
& so it is.