What ptsd taught me about making art.
Recovering from PTSD means working through these undigested memories until they no longer cause symptoms. With PTSD, I live out of my comfort zone every second of every day. I’m learning to take a step back when I feel that panic come over me. I allow myself to acknowledge it and feel it. I push through the shakiness and when my mind starts to race, I focus on one specific task.
With this painting I wanted to go through that same journey and gain a sense of control. I decided to paint something that was symbolic to what I’ve been feeling, but in a style that I was nowhere near familiar with. What better way to do that then to use paints I’ve never used before, work in full color, and embrace the change during the progression of the piece. I’ll be honest, there were many times where I became overwhelmed, had that shaky feeling, lost my focus here and there. But little by little I kept pushing forward. I’d sit down, replan the my strategy, figure out what is going wrong and continue from a different point of view. I still have a lot of work to do on this one, but am eager to see its finished form. #AWOL