Recovery requires your unshakable commitment, no matter what.
Everything you were once taught to believe would make you unworthy or unsafe or undesirable suddenly becomes reality - gaining weight, eating things you are terrified of, eating more, etc.
There can be days where you look in the mirror and want to scratch your eyes out, because you look so different. Maybe your thighs are touching and every step you take is now a reminder that you’re really doing this.
You’re moving and every part of you wants to STOP the process because your eating disorder is still a survival mechanism. There are parts of you afraid you will DIE if you dare to let go. If you don’t stay 100% committed, you don’t stand a chance.
Your unwavering willingness to keep going, no matter how uncomfortable it gets, is crucial when your eating disorder screams louder than ever before and begs you to run back to your old ways.
Your desire for recovery needs to be stronger than all opposing voices. You choose.
It is up to you to hold those screaming parts of yourself with love and compassion. This is what they need. Every part that is afraid needs to know it will still be loved, worthy and safe when you continue to recover. If you don’t tend to those parts with patience, understanding and love, and give them everything they have been trying to get for you through your eating disorder, they will not feel safe to let go and run you straight back to where you came from.
Recovery is a delicate balance between taking back the reigns with conviction, while soothing the scared parts. It is seeing your eating disorder for what it is and understanding that letting go of something that has assured your survival for so many years takes determination, but also patience and love.
Recovery requires ALL OF YOU, at all times. It requires YOU to show up for yourself in all of the ways. Please don’t fight your eating disorder with anger and force. It wants to protect you. It’s just that you no longer need protection.
Are you ready to face yourself? You can choose real recovery.
I help those who are truly ready.